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Leaving the City

Leaving the city, for me, came with the realization that it's okay to not want the things that I've worked so hard for, things most people my age want; and pursue my passion instead.

When you have a job that pays well, that provides lots of learning opportunities, and affords you your own adult apartment, you're supposed to be proud of yourself and feel a semblance of contentment. After all, aren't these the things you worked hard for, and always aspired to have growing up?

I felt a mixture of guilt and being lost when I realized these were not the things that will make me happy. My therapist said I had great potential, and that I can be successful if I could stop doubting myself.

What's wrong with that statement, I realized later on (after three anxiety attacks at work), is that success is relative. I could end up successful at a corporate career, it might bring me financial stability, but at the end of it all I am certain it will not bring me happiness.

It's been a month since I left Manila and moved to Tuguegarao with my boyfriend, and since then I've let go of my guilt for not wanting the life I had. That life wasn't for me.

Now I'm wrecked with doubt, but I'm more at peace than I'll ever be in Manila.

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